It is unfortunate that Alice met Stacy. Alice kicking me in the balls at school today was a rather petty act. So now it turns out that none of Alice's friends are speaking to me, nor any of Stacy's friends, and - it seems - not even friends of Stacy's friends. Which accounts for pretty much the whole year.
Nietzsche said that a certain intellect must live amongst ice and mountains. An entirely cerebral consideration. xxxxxxxxxx tells me she is engaged to the motorcycle guy.
I shall relish living in these lofty and desolate climes, far above Alice and Stacy and xxxxxxxxxx, not to mention Jive Bunny and Kevin Costner. I will listen to the House of Love album. My testicles must stop aching soon. I shall write no more.
Monday
tofu
I copy here Stacy's mum's earnest poem about tofu:
milk of a bean
tofu
blank canvas of taste
tofu
tofu is good for you
No cows died
in the making of
tofu
No marriages breaking
due to tofu
Nobody shaking
in fear of tofu
No-one was shot
with guns of tofu
Nobody knocked
out or stunned for tofu
No-one was stopped
by grenades of tofu
protein
bouncy
have a good chew
tofu is good for you
No stockbrokers are staking
it all on tofu
No heroin addicts are taking
tofu
The doers of evil: forsaking
tofu
It's moving, it's shaking
The charts it is breaking
Everyone waking
up to tofu
Sales are through the roof
of tofu
Everyone feeling the truth
of tofu
You're the gin in my vermouth
tofu;
yes you,
tofu.
Let's hear it for tofu - hooray!
Lets hear it for tofu today.
milk of a bean
tofu
blank canvas of taste
tofu
tofu is good for you
No cows died
in the making of
tofu
No marriages breaking
due to tofu
Nobody shaking
in fear of tofu
No-one was shot
with guns of tofu
Nobody knocked
out or stunned for tofu
No-one was stopped
by grenades of tofu
protein
bouncy
have a good chew
tofu is good for you
No stockbrokers are staking
it all on tofu
No heroin addicts are taking
tofu
The doers of evil: forsaking
tofu
It's moving, it's shaking
The charts it is breaking
Everyone waking
up to tofu
Sales are through the roof
of tofu
Everyone feeling the truth
of tofu
You're the gin in my vermouth
tofu;
yes you,
tofu.
Let's hear it for tofu - hooray!
Lets hear it for tofu today.
Sunday
wanky medley
Who would have thought that Jive Bunny - a disrhythmic holiday camp DJ with a Bontempi mixing desk and the attention span of an infant - would have not one but two number 1s with their unbearable medleys?
Anyhow, my ten year old sister plays their latest single about thirty times a day (I suppose it's like musical chairs without the boring silences) which means she listens to two minutes of Eddie Cochran and three of Bill Haley a day, but this does not dissuade me from giving the class gerbil a vinyl treat. It has no taste either - it happily gnawed a sizeable chunk.
Unfortunately, the gerbil's digestive system unexpectedly showed some class and took umbrage. In other words, I appear to have killed the thing. I put it in a corner of the cage and half-covered it in sawdust. She's taking it back to school tomorrow so that should be okay. If she says anything, I'll just suggest it has started hibernating.
| Chas n Dave were reported to be "astounded" by Jive Bunny's DJ skills |
Anyhow, my ten year old sister plays their latest single about thirty times a day (I suppose it's like musical chairs without the boring silences) which means she listens to two minutes of Eddie Cochran and three of Bill Haley a day, but this does not dissuade me from giving the class gerbil a vinyl treat. It has no taste either - it happily gnawed a sizeable chunk.
Unfortunately, the gerbil's digestive system unexpectedly showed some class and took umbrage. In other words, I appear to have killed the thing. I put it in a corner of the cage and half-covered it in sawdust. She's taking it back to school tomorrow so that should be okay. If she says anything, I'll just suggest it has started hibernating.
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